Adventure

Who is adventurous?

Isn't our entire journey as Jews always an adventure?

It is for me.

It's been quite a while since I've written here, but I realise, no matter where you are, no matter if there is community or not, you're still a Jew and that is always, always a challenge whether you care or not.

I just moved across country and actually chose my living premises within a reasonable distance from a shul. That was my imperative. I've been without Jewish community for years, because of the distance, and I couldn't stand it any longer.

Having said that, I am nervous about attending a new shul (Conservative). I am so happy they not only have minyan in the morning, but also minyan in the evening.  I can eventually get my tefillin on which matters a whole lot to me (if I can get up that early). But I am alone and not that young, and female. It's always a challenge.

No matter how much a temple tries (thanks to committees), people like me are an afterthought and it always shows, especially in required seating; this is the time when I feel like an outsider, while everyone else, the families and couples, even young singles, get to be seated as is their wish, with all their familiars. I never did have that. Yes, Jews can be marginalised, even in the religious Jewish community.

For years I have read blogs especially those of New York Jews, and they are so lucky, having synagogues within walking distance, restaurants, butchers, a vast Jewish community to feel at home with, to keep kosher with, to be Jewish with on all levels- at their finger tips. I want that and I will never have it.

I'm a nomad looking for home, one which I lost since my rabbi/mentor/spiritual advisor died by suicide.  One I lost when I had to move. I don't think I will find anything close to that from now on and I am afraid of a new community when my last experience was not pleasant.

This is treasure. To be a Jew. To experience the adventure. To want so much more than just the status quo. Yet even the status quo has a place.

This is the treasure which so many Jews take for granted, irked often by the rules. It's about more than rules, it is, indeed, about community. I've backslid so much because I didn't have community. Community is the genius of Judaism. Not because of pressure but, rather, because of inspiration. Imagine wanting to climb higher, become more righteous, and there they are, people who are showing you the way.

I realise, finally, that being a Jew is an adventure, wherever you are, whoever you are, no matter your situation. I will write about that.